Guna go for a big arse bowl of cereal, maybes follow it up with some jam on toast. Need more apple juice as well. Think I will watch more of the X-men Anime as well so I can delete it to make space. Plan that like.
“Self doubt has been getting the best of me
For way to long
I’ve been fighting this, fighting this all my life
Now I’m ready for it to be gone
I know I have the courage
I know I have the strength too
I know I have the will
The power to do what I want to do”—Madball-Adapt And Overcome
Today was very disappointing. After missing the bus to go to Uni I decided that rather than waste my time inside I’d see what my mates were up to. I found out that 3 of my best mates were heading to the town and I thought hell I’ll go see them. I was actually really psyched to go see them, it for some reason felt like I hadn’t seen them in a long time, I had my shorts on and listening to Down To Nothing. I was so stoked for the day and what it would bring. It’s a shame I was met with utter disappointment. The first 5 minutes in town was ok, I had seen people I hadn’t seen for a long time and it was all fine. Then as the day progressed on my hatred for Hartlepool gradually grew back. All I was hearing about was relationships, bitching, and just absolutely shit crack. I was also surrounded by a large amount of utter bellends who seem to think that their kids are some form of fashion accessory. People running round with water guns, and I mean a number of these people are nearly 30 year old and still hanging round the town centre with a bunch of kids, it’s not right. There were plans to go to the beach and the planning process was an absolute pisstake, it got to the point that I just wanted to go home and be by myself in a stress free environment. My friends managed to convince me to go to the beach but as we started walking down my back decided to give me grief again so I just decided to go home. I’m sick of other people bringing me down. I only have a few more days of Spring Break before I have to go back to University (where I have a ridiculous amount of work to do) for the next 4-6 weeks. I don’t want people dumping all of their bullshit onto me and I don’t want to be surrounded by utter arseholes, especially when I have my holidays and my last term of University for the year.
I haven’t had a cigarette in 3 days now. I keep varying between being alright and absolutely dying. A part of me wants to continue not smoking but the rest of me just wants to continue while I’m at Univesity because they stop me from raging at a LOTof people. However, apparently tab prices went back up today by 37p. This is also annoying as it feels like it was only a week ago since they were brought down in price and now they have gone back up. This is ridiculous.
However at least I have had a bit of change to my routine from the past few days. The father took me to the cinemas along with my Uncle to see John Carter (Which btw is brilliant.) And tomorrow I get to see the bezzy mate for a cuppa. Cracking :D
“Look, I’m not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven’t always been an easy guy to get on with, and I know that, given the choice, I wouldn’t have chosen you as friends, but I just want to say that over the years I have come to regard you as…people I met.”—Arnold Rimmer, Red Dwarf S05E01 ‘Holoship’ (via omnomnominous)
2nd day of not having a cigarette. I guess being skint is a good thing as well as being something bad. But jesus christ doing cold turkey (non- voluntary I might add) when all you’re doing is sitting at home is just plain fucking awful. If I was out doing shit it wouldnt be so bad. Sitting at you laptop and Xbox all day just completely kills me.
I really want April 2nd to come NOW so I can drink and smoke till my heart is content and not give a fuck.
“Will I ever see you again will I ever see you?
If you cut out scheduled time you’ll find piece of mind
Trust me its worth your weight in gold
And if you think you’re fine go ahead follow that line
At least none of my friends do what they’re told
By what they’re sold”—The Story So Far- Mt. Diablo
I think it’s getting slightly worse. I am missing her even more now and it’s ridiculous. All the memories I have of her just seem to keep coming back to me, every time I see her name my heart just sinks. She probably doesn’t feel the same way at all any more but I just can’t help knowing that my life would be so much better if she were by my side. I know that with the amount of stress I am dealing with lately she would be able to make it all disappear almost instantly every time I would be with her.
I don’t know what to do with myself tbh. I get the feeling that I will never get the chance again. What am I to do?